[00:00:00] Have you ever felt invisible or even flat out disrespected by your adult child's spouse? maybe they roll their eyes when you talk ignore your messages or treat you like a nuisance instead of part of the family. It can be heartbreaking, Especially when you've done your best to love and support your child.

So today I wanna talk about how to respond when you feel pushed, aside, or dismissed by a daughter-in-law or a son-in-law, or a boyfriend, girlfriend. how to do that without anger, but with wisdom and strength. because, let's be honest, you deserve peace. And this does not have to destroy your relationship with your child or yourself.

So today I have four tips for you on this, and I want you to keep in mind that your son or your daughter may be a part of this and maybe they're not. I don't know the answer to that. And you may be making assumptions that it is your son-in-law or your daughter-in-law, and it might be the [00:01:00] decisions that your own child is making.

They need to have some ownership in this, right? So as you listen to these four points,I want you to keep it in mind because it's really easy to blame someone else. Now, don't get me wrong, I see it all the time where the new, the new spouse or new boyfriend, new girlfriend comes in the picture and everything changes.

So it's very real, but I just want you to keep all that in mind. So let's dive in.

Number one is understanding where it's coming from. So where is the disrespect coming from? it's easy to assume that they don't like you or that it's personal, but many times the behavior is rooted in something much deeper sometimes their spouse may be insecure. Or threatened by your bond, 

But also on the other hand, there's times where they come from a family where closeness feels like control. what are they bringing into the dynamic? How are they [00:02:00] raised? What is the relationship like with their family? it might be unspoken resentment from the past that's being portrayed onto you.

Or maybe just two people trying to define their new roles. In what can be a messy family dynamic. I just wanna say that understanding the history, the past of this person doesn't excuse the disrespect by any means, but it can help you approach the situation with a little bit more understanding, and maybe from a place of you being steady instead of reactive.

So we need you to keep your power and your peace. number two is responding without fueling the fire. Let's be honest, we can all fuel the fire at times. sometimes it's easier to match that energy, to match the disrespect because then we just shut the conversation down.

But we're not solving anything and we are making it worse. when someone, disrespects you, it's natural you wanna defend yourself. [00:03:00] But when we get emotionally reactive. Like I said, even when justified, it can backfire on us. it often adds tension to the relationship, to the family, and creates a narrative that you're the one making things difficult.

But what if you keep your peace? rather than, you know, not responding calmly, what if you did? What if you responded calmly? What if you kept the peace? What if you were to say, I wanna have a healthy relationship with both of you, but I need to be treated with kindness and respect. Now, if it is the case, like I mentioned earlier, that this in-law, daughter-in-law, son-in-law, if they're wanting you to be pushed aside because it feels like control to them or they're trying to take control of your child, which I've seen many times too.

This is where you set the standard because your son or your [00:04:00] daughter, does have a role to play here. We can't just blame the spouse. So we don't wanna beg, we don't wanna accuse, Just simply setting a standard that you wanna be treated with respect. You know, I've said this many times in so many different situations with moms, but.

You teach people how to treat you. Whatever you tolerate, you can expect more of. This is where you draw the line in the sand and say, it doesn't have to be rudely, but you just say, I need to be treated with kindness and respect. And like we talked about in a couple videos ago, we can draw the line in the sand today.

It doesn't have to be, oh my goodness, but I've allowed this for this long. How are they gonna understand effective today? This is what I'm expecting. you can expect from me that I'm gonna treat you with respect. So it goes both ways, but the more consistent you are with that tone and you're [00:05:00] calm and you're clear, and you are protecting your peace, but you're also responding in a healthy way.

It's setting that standard for what the relationship is gonna look like moving forward. So if this situation sounds like your life right now, if you're doing your best to hold it together and you're wondering, how do I get the peace? How do I keep the peace? How do I protect the relationship with my child?

Or maybe your child's already walked away. I wanna invite you to a discovery call. It is not a coaching call. It's a consultation for moms who are interested in working with me. So if you're interested in one-on-one coaching, you're interested in group coaching, you're wanting to learn more about what that looks like, how I can help, that's what this call is for.

you can find the link in the show notes or description below, We have got to stop feeling powerless. You have to walk in your own healing and in your own strength. I would love to hear from you when you are ready for that.

Alright, number three is when your adult [00:06:00] child doesn't defend you. Ouch. Right? This may be the hardest part because when your child doesn't stand up for you, you raise them, you love them, you supported them, and now it feels like they're choosing silence or worse siding with someone who's hurting you.

Now, obviously if there's no just cause for this, We have to look at all the factors, did something happen? But it's easy to feel betrayed, I want you to remember also that many adult children freeze in conflict. So instead of speaking up, they shut down because they wanna keep the peace at home.

Maybe they have kids, they're doing this to protect your grandkids, not from you, but from chaos at home. Instead of pushing or blaming, they keep the door open, right? So what if you were to say to them at some point, when given the opportunity, I wanna stay connected with you, even [00:07:00] when things are hard, I miss you.

That leaves room for the relationship to heal without making them feel like they have to choose. We cannot make our kids choose between their spouse and us. And lastly, number four is stop competing. Trying to win them back or prove your worth will only exhaust you and you don't need to compete with their spouse.

You are their mom. That role can never be erased, but you can choose to step back when the dynamic becomes toxic, you're doing it in strength, not anger, it has gotten so toxic that you need to say, I love you, but I cannot stay. In this space where I'm being mistreated. I love you.

I'm not giving up on you, but what it's showing them is that you love yourself everyone deserves respect. There is a time and a place where people walk away from one another to protect their own emotional health, physical health, and I [00:08:00] understand that there are a lot of situations like that.

But if you're a mom navigating this and you're watching this video, You wanna get along with your daughter-in-law, you wanna get along with your son-in-law. You want your child back in your life as well, because this is a painful road. And I just wanna say this, you're not overreacting, you're not alone.

You do deserve to feel respected and valued, not just as a mom, but as a woman. So whether your son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Respects you really has taken the time to get to know you. Only time will tell where this is gonna go, but I believe wholeheartedly, either your son or your daughter's gonna step up and make some change in this vicious cycle, or your son-in-law or daughter-in-law is going to be a convicted and they're going to.

Help navigate this connection with you again in the future. I dunno when, I dunno how, but God does miracles every day. I hope this helps you [00:09:00] and I'll see you in the next episode. God bless.