[00:00:00] Have you ever thought, why does this keep happening? One minute, you're holding onto some hope, and then the next minute you're stuck in silence or maybe walking on eggshells again. Here's the truth. Many moms that I work with are unknowingly trapped in these emotional cycles that keep them stuck in pain and confusion.

Sound familiar? But it really does only take one shift. It takes one decision to respond differently. That could change everything. Let's talk about the five most common crazy cycles that moms face with their adult children and how you can break free from that. Let's dive in.

The first is the guilt defensiveness cycle. So if you feel guilty, right, you're feeling guilty over something, you over text, you over apologize, or you try to fix things so fast that nobody's had time to process it. Your child pulls away or accuses you of being [00:01:00] manipulative, right? Maybe you send a thoughtful message to them, but they snap back and so what do you do?

You immediately say, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way, even when you did nothing wrong. So this is the guilt defensiveness cycle. Does that ring a bell for you? Some things that you could do, if that is you, is I want you to start figuring out what your mom guilt is. Start journaling, start making, taking notes.

You need to explore the root of your guilt, like peeling back that onion. Is it real or is it shame talking, Is it the enemy getting in your ear, or is this reality because there's a big difference? So you also need to ask yourself if you're reacting from peace or panic, So I want you to keep in mind that your guilt will never serve the relationship.

Your guilt will never serve the relationship with your adult child, but your healing will, [00:02:00] healing your guilt will serve the relationship moving forward. So to me, that is a huge, huge mindset shift for a lot of you. Number two is the silence assumption. So that is where your son or your daughter, they stop responding, and then you spend days in the background spiraling, imagining what you did wrong.

And we start making assumptions because they're silence. So you assume their silence means rejection, but what if they're just overwhelmed, busy, or unsure how to talk? Maybe there is some issues in your relationship, but they're not really sure how to bring it up so it's easier for them in the moment to just kind of take a step back.

But in the meantime, you are spiraling out of control. You need to ground yourself in facts. Ground yourself in facts. What do you know for sure. What could I be assuming? You know, one message that I think is always good that [00:03:00] you could send to your child is one with no pressure. You know what? I'm here if and when you're ready.

No pressure. I love you, period. Don't send a note telling them everything you did wrong, apologizing for things that you did and didn't do. That's not the time for that. It needs to be very simple. Very simple. 'cause there's silence for a reason, and we don't want the silence to go on any longer than it needs to.

But you also have to remember that their silence does not define your worth. Your clarity has to be larger than your control. So if that is you, if you're in one of these five cycles and you need some help navigating this, if you're stuck in silence or guilt or constant confusion. I do offer a 30 minute discovery call for moms just like you.

It is not a coaching call. It's a safe space. We can explore options on how I might be able to help you, different coaching options [00:04:00] that I have. So when you are ready to start considering that, yes, I've been doing this by myself for way too long, whether it's been a day or a year or five years. You need to discover what could fit you in this season, and you and I would would do that together.

So if that's interest to you, feel free to click out the discovery. Feel free to click the discovery call link below in the show notes. Let's explore the other three here. The third one is the trigger reaction. I call it like a ping pong. Think about a thing, a ping pong ball going back and forth. So for example, you say something innocent.

They blow up and then you react. That is a, that is a true definition of a crazy cycle, right? They criticize you and instead of pausing, you fire back with a sarcastic comment or maybe a past hurt. So you need to identify what your triggers are. [00:05:00] Is it their tone? Is it disrespect? Is it coldness or is it you?

Is it you making assumptions from your own past hurts? Which is so important, why we all need to heal. You know, you could even say something like, I hear you. Let's come back and talk later when we're both calmer. And if they don't like that, that's okay, but you need to take the high road and don't speak to them unless you're calm.

So your power comes from calm, not your silence, right? Not. I'm not gonna talk to them until they wanna talk to me. And I know that's how a lot of you are. That's how you're reacting right now. For those of you watching this, you saw me fold my arms. 'cause we sit there and we get resentful and then we're silent.

Well, I'm gonna wait and just let them call me. And, and not to say that sometimes that's not a, a smart move [00:06:00] depending on what happened. But some of you are getting, feeling rejected and then you go, go intosilence. Which is not serving either of you. Number four is the pleasing resentment trap. So you say yes to everything, even when it hurts, just to keep the peace.

You're Yes, mom, yes, yes, yes. You know, if you're dropping everything to help, you're sending constant money, or maybe if you're saying nothing when they're rude and then you secretly go home and you're feeling hurt, used or resentful, why do you suppose you're doing that? You wanna be pleasing, but then you go home and you resent them for it.

So this is where boundaries are so important because you need to be able to honor yourself in the process, you know? And like I always say, when you have two healthy people, boundaries work really, really well. And if you have, if you're gonna relationship with your child [00:07:00] who needs some healing yet, that's okay.

But you still do the boundary for yourself. You can just speak your truth kindly, right? So just remember, love is honest. It's not perfect. We're not gonna be perfect, but you need to be honest. Number five is the hope disappointment spiral. You know, let's say they text you for the first time in weeks, and then you get your hopes up.

Well, of course you are right. Of course. You get your hopes up only to hear nothing again. So let's say they invite you to a birthday or an event or something, and you feel so elated, then they cancel or go cold. What are you supposed to do? You know, you have to set hope, standards, hope, goals, that has nothing to do with them.

You need to focus on your health, your faith, your purpose, your joy, and remind yourself, even if this is just a moment, I can still enjoy it without [00:08:00] expectations. We don't know. How long this is gonna take, but sometimes they're testing us and remember that your hope is allowed, but you have to protect your peace.

So I hope that you can find yourself in one or more of those cycles. Sometimes we're in in multiple cycles, but just remember someone has to stop it. Someone has to stop the cycle and that someone can be you, not because you're giving up, but because you're growing up emotionally in a way that can lead to healing and no more hurt.

You don't have to keep spinning. And when you have clarity and you have this courage, you can break this cycle, protect your peace, and you're gonna take your life back and they are ultimately going to respect you for that. You may not think so right now, but fast forward, they really are gonna respect you for that and your strength and how you have navigated your own hurts and navigated your own strongholds and issues, maybe addictions [00:09:00] or.

Handled, uh, other relationships in a healthier way, put up some boundaries and protected yourself. Use this waiting time that you are in right now. Use this for your own healing and your own growth. And then just watch and see what God's gonna do. 'cause it's gonna be good. So I hope that helps you today.

I'll see you in the next episode. God bless.